This year has been a miracle. Since switching back to my old friend, Crizotinib, I have been feeling much like my old self. I practice yoga most days, sleep well, don’t require anxiety meds, and mostly importantly, my lungs are working. It’s such a blessing to have working lungs. I’m able to go up and down stairs, take my dog on walks, and many other seemingly routine activities that we take for granted. My only physical complaint is that my taste buds and olfactory receptors are fried, so everything I cook tastes and smells like garbage. Even the smell of my pantry and fridge are repulsive (to me and no one else). It’s really interfering with my love of food, but I try to focus on the silver lining that I can now fit into my 2016 jeans. Wohoo.
With this newfound freedom from my disease, I purchased a house that I am completely in love with, I resumed teaching yoga (almost finished with my teaching qualifications), and have been relearning what it means to exist without daily hospital contact and every-three-week (or even more frequent) scans.
While I am infinitely grateful for this new lease on life, it comes with a lot of pressure to make every day count. And since I am out of practice with this free and normal lifestyle, it is increasingly difficult to achieve anything on a daily basis that might pass as ‘normal’, especially for a 34 year old.
I have a lot of plans that I dream of implementing: creating a youtube yoga channel for cancer patients; becoming more involved with the ROS1ders; taking Floxie to different parks and play dates; writing in this blog weekly; seeing my friends more frequently; and reading for fun. Unfortunately, I am finding it extremely difficult to motivate and focus. Right now I feel most inspired to simply be. To get up in the morning and transition from my amazing new bed to my perfect couch. To sip on my tea and cuddle Flox for hours. To indulge in watching the Bachelor.
You might ask … then why don’t you stick with that? Well, is that really making every day count?
I am curious about others’ thoughts on the balance between relaxation, motivation, and achievement. Is there a respectable quota for either? Is it and should it be different for cancer patients who otherwise feel well?